Reply to How decisive are men v. women about ending marriages?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wonder about those stats sometimes because I don't know what "initiates" means -- there's breaking up and then there's actually filing the papers in court. Maybe they refer to both, but I suspect it's more about the breakup.

In my case (I'm male), I tolerated a lot in my marriage because I was basically the default parent (which is a little unusual, I know). I had a wife who reneged on a promise to return to work when the children entered grade school, eventually picked up projects here and then when she ran up our credit cards (like into the 40k-50k range), decided to become a real estate agent but took 9 months to "study" for the exam. The marriage was sexless for seven years (medical issues contributed, so I tried to understanding), we slept in separate bedrooms (ostensibly because I snored, but even after I got a CPAP). I remember feeling like I was at my wit's end with the chronic debt (caused by her spending), parenting duties while working full-time (from home, even before COVID), lack of affection/sex. But knowing even when the kids were in late elementary that I didn't want to divorce because I feared losing daily interaction with them and worrying about custody.

Fast forward to teen years, she finds a new therapist who encourages her to "self actualize." So she takes up hobbies, which is fine except they were expensive (horse riding), which added financial pressure. She worked sporadically as a real estate agent, but not consistently. I was still default parent for kids -- schools knew to call ME for things, not her, for example; the kids told them that.

As part of her self-actualization, she started an emotional affair with someone in Baltimore she worked on a project years ago. Then she started disappearing all day, ostensibly on real estate projects with the guy. I hired a PI, he confirmed the worst. The conflict in the relationship came to a head, we agreed to separate and then both saw lawyers.

But it was the affair that finally drove me to initiate the actual divorce. I think she came down to earth when the limerance bubble popped. But by then, I was done. The kids were older and in position of where they wanted to live. They chose to live with me and sometimes visited their mom.

[/b]So, in my instance, it was a man.[b]
[/quote]

It's almost always another man when a man initiates divorce.  Men rarely will stay if their wife is cheating.[/quote]

This. They get adored by a new woman, lock that down and that’s the usual reason a male will file for divorce and happily move out.

Less usual reasons are the mother/wifes mental disorders.

But vast majority of filings are by the woman. [/quote]

The wife initiated in those cases 90% of the time.

Men only initiate the divorce when the wife cheats.  [/quote]

I’ve seen a handful of midlife crisis men who were uninvolved at home, only file and leave when their passive aggressiveness didn’t work on the wife and a new love interest arose and he felt he’d confident and taken care of with that secretary. [/quote]

90% of the time when he voices he doesn't want to be married to her, is having an affair and is leaving her for the ow---the wife files. [b]They have the upper hand being the plaintiff.[/b]  
[/quote]

How so?

I’d say Hillary Clinton kept the upper hand by staying married to non stop cheating Bill Clinton. [/quote]

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