Reply to Would you seperate/divorce if your spouse treated you like this?

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Reply to "Would you seperate/divorce if your spouse treated you like this?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]...Here are some examples of DH's behavior- mocks/mimics the kids;...[/quote]

Everything in your post supports what your therapist said about your husband's behavior being abusive. This statement, though, out of all you said would be a deal-breaker for me.

As an adult, I make choices about what I will tolerate. Your kids have no choice so, as a parent, you are responsible for ensuring their health and well-being. Being mocked and demeaned by a patent is unacceptable. I can't overstate how damaging this is to your kids. Unless you are standing up for your kids when he does it, you are complicit in the abuse. That alone would lead me to divorce. You and your kids, especially, deserve better.

(Yes, my father did this to me and my siblings. It was so hurtful and damaging. I still can't understand why our mother didn't protect us.)[/quote]

So you don’t like how AsD mocks his own young kids, among other things.

So you divorce him.

And then he gets 50% custody, totally unsupervised.

And that’s your solution??!?  That’s the family court’s solution. Abusive dad or not. Mentally ill dad or not. [/quote]

PP you're responding to.  Your solution would have the kids living 100% of the time with one abusive parent while the other, when she's around, allows the abuse to happen.  The kids learn that the ones who should do the most to protect, support and nurture them don't care enough about them to do so.  They learn, even before they can speak or brains developed to understand, that their home, the place that's supposed to be safe, is not.  It is a dangerous place for them and they have to learn to survive in it. This shapes them in ways that have negative, life long consequences.  The harm to people, kids especially, of witnessing and being a abuse are well documented.

You, and others like you, operate under the fallacy that not divorcing allows a parent to 'protect' the kids from the abusive one.  It doesn't.  Unless you are with your kids 100% of the time, they [b]will be alone[/b] with their abuser, unsupervised.  Kids deserve a safe and healthy place to live even if they're only there 50% of the time.  Spending 50% your time in an abusive environment is better than spending 100% of it there. They need at least one parent to stand up for them and demonstrate what is acceptable behavior.  [/quote]

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