Reply to Do you feel you knew what you were getting into with marriage? How long did you date?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm so envious reading these replies, and also a little bitter wondering if all these PPs who got married to people they barely knew are the same people who smugly post "couldn't you tell that when you were dating?" on every thread.  But I'm guilty of once being that smug person too, if I'm honest.

Ex-H and I became friends in high school and began dating at 19.  Bought a house together at 27, officially got engaged at 28, married at 29.  Mutually decided we did not want children.  We had a great group of friends we'd had since high school and a really nice life.  We never fought, had great communication and mutual respect.  Shared chores and cooking evenly.  Our world views and day-to-day habits were in sync.  I felt so lucky that my love life had come so easily.

In year 12 of marriage, he gave me an STD and admitted he'd had sex with men (three of them to be exact).  I later learned he'd been having sex with countless (hundreds?) of men our entire relationship, in our house, in our bed.  (He worked from home.)  Oh, and also that he enjoyed crossdressing and had started posing as a woman online in high school.  In other words, he knew this about himself before we started dating.

He was masterful at hiding his double life.  There wasn't a single time when something seemed off or his story didn't line up.  In fact, steadiness, loyalty, and integrity were defining traits of his in my mind.  And he was always interested in sex with me -- no clues there.  Our one and only issue, and I suppose clue in retrospect, was that he treated me like a buddy outside of the bedroom.  He wasn't touchy-feely with me unless it was during sex.  But I just thought that was a consequence of us getting together young and having a deep friendship, more than lust, after so many years together.

I think I was just unlucky (in this -- but lucky in many other respects).  Womp womp.[/quote]

I’m so sorry.

I’m PP, and the last man I dated before DH was a closeted gay man. I felt so naive when I found out…you’re definitely not the only person to fall for this.[/quote]

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