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[quote=Anonymous]We met when I was very young (23) and got married 18 months later after living together pretty much immediately. Marriage has been a lot harder and more work than we both expected. But, we’ve powered through and have been married 24 years. We’ve discussed divorce multiple times, mostly because I was unhappy, but marriage counseling has helped enormously.

The first 5 years were pretty easy but there surprises: his money anxiety and anxiety generally, the amount of time & energy it took for him to self-regulate, differences in our his lack of empathy, and how difficult his family would be. Then, we added kids and I was surprised by his approach to parenting.  I think he was surprised by my moodiness (I had horrible PMS for decades despite working with multiple docs to find solutions), how hard I found parenting to be, my standards around parenting (very high, turns out his parents had no standards), and my overall life outlook that you need to take chances and life will turn out fine.

Those are a lot of surprises! Add to that: we had no clue how to communicate when in conflict. But, thankfully, we always adored one another, really enjoyed spending time together, enjoyed being with and raising our kids and we’ve always been highly connected, physically. We’re both loyal and were committed to the relationship so we made it work most of the time.

25+ years later we’re both grateful that we made the investment in counseling and we’re enjoying life as empty nesters. It would have been nice if it had been easier for the middle decade but we learned a lot and one of the biggest unexpected gifts has been watching each other grow and build skills. I had a lot to learn about enmeshment and co-dependency. It sounds cheesy but I’m very proud of both of us for evolving and we’re in a place now where I have zero doubts about our ability to live happily together for the next 25 years despite what’s ahead of us (aging parents, our own aging).
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