Reply to Does anyone regret NOT being a SAHP?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm someone that thought I might regret it. I really struggled with going back to work in a way I didn't expect with my oldest and it frankly persisted for awhile. I even took almost a year of maternity leave with my second and then was part time for a little. Now that the kids are later elementary I'm starting to feel really solid in not fully stepping out. For all the reasons others have said. The long daycare days is what got me too, like another poster said but I think I did a pretty good job mitigating that while keeping my career intact. We usually find reasons to feel good about the decisions we make :) But just speaking as someone who really considered it and kind of wanted to, I don't regret not doing it now that I'm farther along.

Also, I will add with more life experience i have come to really see the risks of leaving. I've had some family members and friends be in really tough financial situations because of deaths, divorce, etc. in part because they had not been working for a long time.[/quote]

I thought maybe I wrote this! I ended up reducing my hours to 30 a week to make my kids time at daycare shorter. I know that’s not an option for everyone but I am so thankful my work accommodated it for me.

Not regrets but I feel a little sad over the summer. Camps are kind of a lot for one of my kids. But I remember being bored a lot during summers with my SAHM. My kids have it fairly good I think. Trying to swing an extra week of leave this summer so they only have to do 6 weeks of camp.

I do regret not taking longer maternity leaves. In retrospect if I had asked I probably could have gotten a year off with each kid and we could have afforded it. I was too afraid to ask - I took what was the max I’d heard of anyone taking and tried to be grateful. But if I could have had another 6 months home with each baby- wow I’d give a lot for that.[/quote]

Aw I’m the pp and we sound so similar! I also do struggle a little with the summer. Since we sound like kindred spirits I thought I’d share that we have found having a college student “nanny” for 5-6 weeks over the summer to take the kids to swim practice and be able to do swim team as a main activity to be a great fit for my kid that camp was also a lot for and for me to feel like they get that freedom of summer a little. Then the rest of the time we fill with grandparents, vacation, leave and a camp here and there. College students are easy to find in my experience and many are ok with a shorter time in the summer because they also want time off.

And yes so hard to ask for the maternity leave! I had a hard time with this too but did ask for more than I’d ever heard of anyone taking, really only because my supervisor encouraged me when I brought up I might want a longer leave with my second. It would have been so hard otherwise but really encourage anyone younger reading this to do it if it is something you want because it helps others be able to ask too! That was one of my thoughts. [/quote]

PP you responded to and thank you!! Now that I’m older and more senior I always try and emphasize to younger women they should ask for what they want. Men do!!! And it might be a more senior role or more money but if it’s a different schedule or a longer maternity leave go for that. I look back at my younger self and wish I could tell her that as a high performer who always got her work done she had earned the right to ask for what she wanted. I hope I can teach my daughter better.

Summer is so hard because camp and activities work great for my oldest. She’s hugely extroverted and social. That was fine when my younger one was in year round daycare but the little one would do better with more time at a chiller setting. But I am WAH and my DC will not stay with a babysitter while I’m in the house. They are just now getting to the point that they will not fight being watched by my husband. They go to school ok but I guess home = Mommy. I hope it gets better as DC gets older…[/quote]

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