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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I come from a family of four and I completely disgree with this. There was defitinitely "grouping" mainly becuase my older sibling and I were closer in age and our two younger siblings were close in age (and a bigger gap- 3 years- between me #2 & #3). But I never disliked it. I had an automatic best friend and being a shy/anxious kid having my siblings as my saftey net helped me so much. I never thought of the "grouping" as a bad thing and I think my siblings would agree. I mean I probably could have gotten more attention from my parents as a kid, but maybe not having all the attention on me was such a bad thing?

Its funny I have found people that come from big families either go on to have big families themselves or would never think to have more than 2. Either you love it or hate it.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am from a family of 4 and I just want you to consider what it means for kids to "pair off nicely." This sounds nice but is it really better for kids?

In my experience, being in a family where you are easily grouped doesn't really improve your experience as a child. It means you are never an individual, you are always grouped in with "the older kids" or "the little ones" or the girls or the boys. It often feels like your parents don't actually see you, because you are always one of a set. Also, even pairs can contribute to competitive vibes depending on personalities and interests.

Like it sounds very even and tidy -- two sets of two. But if it were me I'd stick with 3, where kids get to be individuals a bit more and where they can mix and match in different ways (all together or pairs based on actual interests instead of just ages).

I also think if you don't have extra adults around (whether family or a nanny who will stick around well into elementary school) three is much more manageable in terms of ensuring all kids get some 1:1 adult time and no one feels ignored.

Four kids is... a lot of kids. Having lived it, it is not something I would choose.[/quote]

OP here.  I appreciate this perspective.  I am one of two siblings (both girls) close and age and I actually didn't like that for similar reasons to what you suggest.  Fewer kids, but I hated the lumping together.  It is helpful to keep this in mind and I can see how the potential for trouble here could be potentially worse with even more kids, and you're reminding me of part of what I like(d) about 3.[/quote][/quote]

I mean, obviously everyone's experience is different. Even within families. In my family with four kids,

1) the eldest sibling LOVED being from a big family but went on to have just two kids, 
2) the second sibling complains a lot about the dynamics of the big family but went on to have four kids anyway
3) the two youngest don't complain much but privately didn't love being the youngest in this particular big family, and each went on to have only children

Birth order, age gaps, parenting styles, family resources... it all makes a difference.[/quote]

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