Reply to How to teach daughter how to be a good wife?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is what I learned from my grandma and my mom:
-When I was preg with our first child, my mom sat me down and said the most important thing to this transition will be to not stomp all over DH's efforts. She told me that there will be many things he will do differently than me, but what matters is the effort. She said if it is not a direct safety issue (including emotional wellbeing), do not comment on it. She told me that she has seen so many husbands try hard at the beginning, constantly get criticized or corrected by the wife, and then eventually they just stop trying and the wife has all this resentment that she is the primary parent. You bet I kept my mouth shut when DH dressed DD in a onesie snapped over the pants or in an "outfit" of tights plus a shirt. It's served us well.
-Keep at least one bank account for yourself always.
-Feelings are not facts. 
-Working to understand your partner's perspective, even if you don't agree with it, provides more value than bickering over it.
-When things are chaotic, especially with little kids, get everyone in water or outside. Sounds crazy, but I've followed this faithfully. Kids are fighting and rambunctious at 8pm? Get your coats on we are going to run around the yard. DH and I are snippy with one another? Come on, we're walking the dog or taking a shower together. 
-Just try. People divorce when there is no effort. If both people are trying, chances are good that things will progress forward. 
-Get dinner on the table every night. Not in a sexist woman in the kitchen way, but in a it's been a long day for everyone and I love you all and want to connect over a meal kind of way. My grandma (88), mom (66), myself (35) and my two daughters (6 and 4) bond over cooking and baking together all the time and then we enjoy big family meals from our efforts....and then play board games as the men clean up![/quote]

This is a good list, though, honestly, the last one rankles. I appreciate it has worked for your family, but it's tough to distinguish the sexist way of getting a meal on the table and your way.  Presumably, many days are long and hard for the woman too.  But ultimately, so much of being a "good wife" is really about teaching her to rise about her own feelings and be pleasant for others.  Something about that, over a lifetime, makes me deeply sad.[/quote]

Agreed. It's a nice list that can be gender neutral, until you got to that last item. I assume you were/are all SAHMs? Otherwise, I do think those sentiments are valid and helpful, for spouses of any gender.[/quote]

yeah-talking about all of theses things with your partner before getting into a long term relationship is important and sometimes, even though I am the SAHP, I am too pooped to have a meal on the table, its my husband who cooks and I veg out while the kids play a game or my husband and I both cook a meal together while the kids watch tv or one kid helps one parent but the point is that the family needs to eat something nourishing and be grateful that they can fed themselves and also move your body and get fresh air.  It's ok to tell your husband- I am too tired, you parent and that means the kids do activities, eat home made meals and the laundry gets done- if I can do it, so can he .Honestly the last time I did this I had food poisoning but as I mentioned, this is all my job bc I stay home with the kids, but communicating with your partner is important and placing the well being of the family on both adults' shoulders, not just "mom"  and NEVER the kids is vital. [/quote]

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