Reply to Dealing with abuse by a mentally ill family member

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Many you give your family member material to work with. Here is a sample of what you have written so far:

- “hire a baby sitter to open unknown packages.” 
- “short of the witness protection program” - <short of> “ name changes to stop the harassment. “

You have to agree that you appear dramatic. Your airing this business on a public forum also points to attention seeking behavior and a need for validation from strangers. The reason something “hurts you” is because her “specificity” may sound like the truth. [/quote]

We can’t even talk about this within our own family because everyone is so ashamed of it. We don’t talk about it with friends because it’s absolutely nuts that a relative does this to us, and I come to a stupid anonymous forum because the crazy person in my life is making me crazy, and I get criticized as attention seeking.

It is no surprise that we have been dealing with this in silence for a decade and that there is such limited support and understanding for families with mental illness given these kinds of comments.  [/quote]

Big mistake. My mother has sometimes done such things, and then gaslit us and pretended she never did. The ONLY way to deal with this is to make it all come out in the open. Secrecy is what keeps you trapped in this loop. Your family needs to air stuff out. When you tell them, stick to facts, so you don't appear crazy yourself (no witness protection program or any such hyperbole). If your sick relative becomes violent against her parents, that will finally be a reason to call police and into involuntary psychiatric hold, where she can receive medication.

It's really sad that shame and guilt have imprisoned all of you. My childhood friend in the UK has a schizophrenic sister - her parents told mine in real time what was happening, because they were going crazy and needed support. They never hid their child's diagnosis from anyone, and as a result, they received a lot of support and help.

You and your relatives appear to have a medieval view of mental health. It's not doing you any favors, and YOU might have to be the person to break that silence.[/quote]

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