Reply to The Introvert’s Disadvantage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have two strongly introverted kids who did very well in college admissions. They definitely knew several teachers well enough to get great recommendations.  But they worked hard, were polite, had the social skills to say hello to teachers or make a few comments about what they did that weekend, and, most importantly, contributed to class discussions when they had interesting thoughts.  Nobody likes the kid whose hand shoots up first to answer every question, whether they have something thoughtful to say or not.  Including/especially, the teacher.

Introverted does not mean head down, never makes eye contact, never speaks in class, never says hello to the teacher, never responds when adults talk to them  and is unable to make small talk with adults. It means they prefer smaller groups of friends and not socializing in large, loud groups. It means they didn’t talk/text and socialize 24/7, and spent part of their downtime doing things with 1-2 close friends, or alone. A well controlled AP Lit class discussion is not the sort of thing an introvert can’t handle and can’t meaningfully contribute too.

Plenty of introverts raise their hands in class and make very smart, insightful comments, say hello to the teachers, make small talk when they meet teachers in the hall and are generally well liked.

And, being class president (or president of anything) isn’t the only EC that matters.  My kids were very involved in music, and there were lots of introverts in band and orchestra.  Marching band is a huge commitment and recognized by colleges as such. So are FRC and FTC robotics, which attracts introverts . So are athletics (and no, the star tennis player or baseball player does not have to be an extrovert). And many other ECs.

An introverted kid would have different strengths, not fewer. If your kid really doesn’t know a teacher who can write positively about them, it sounds like they have social anxiety and never contribute in class.  Or poor social skills, which is different than introversion.  Otherwise, a good teacher would know them and be able to write a strong LOR.  And that’s on you.  Social anxiety should be treated and poor social skills are just a parenting fail.

It also sounds like you prefer your extrovert and are projecting onto teachers and AOs. And that’s the biggest parenting fail of all.

Read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking. And do better. [/quote]

NP. I've read and love that book, but I think the author would agree that extroverts have an unfair advantage in this world for many of the reasons OP describes. [/quote]

It’s not an unfair advantage. You can learn to improve your social skills. You can learn leadership. If you don’t, that’s on you. It is fair that people who are bad at a certain role are not chosen for that role.[/quote]

You sound like the type of person who when discussing mental health issues just says “everyone has problems, just get over it”. And no, I’m not equating introversion with mental illness—but as I previously stated there’s a very good reason why people equate introversion with anxiety disorders.

I wouldn’t describe it as an [i]unfair advantage[/i] but the world is 100% biased in favor of extroverts. [/quote]

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