Reply to Should I say something to my friend’s reaction to husband’s comment?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.[/quote]

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me. [/quote]

You're judging her right now. Why wouldn't she have a right to judge too?

Do you understand that you cannot control your husband, this woman, or anyone except yourself?

If your husband makes inappropriate comments, people WILL judge him. I'm sure they've done so in the past, if he's the type to habitually cross boundaries, and they will do in the future. If he won't change, why expect others to change their perfectly normal reactions to him?

As others have pointed out, you seem to have a textbook case of displaced anger. YOUR HUSBAND is the perpetrator of the faux-pas, but you need to blame someone else otherwise you feel shame and guilt because you are the wife of this man. You would be forced to confront the fact that:
A. He does not respect you.
B. You are prepared to live with that disrespect and the social unpleasantness he triggers.

Your husband is putting you in the very unfair position of having to defend him and observe other people's discomfort. It's a form of psychological abuse, even if it's unconscious on his part.

You can blame your husband, but not anyone else, for what happens next.

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