Reply to How should I deal with emotionally dismissive parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You remind me of my DS who to this day remembers who I didn't come to some of his ES performances. I was a single mother, no child support, no alimony, working 2 jobs, 2 small children, no grandparents or relatives to help out. I did the best I could given limited resources. I couldn't take time off work back them. Yet he wants me to apologize for not being there over and over. Frankly, I've had enough. [/quote]

So when your son bring those things up, do you yell at him "for god sake, why are still upset about it, let it go", or do you gently say "I love you and I never want to make you upset, I didn't go not because I didn't love you but because I worked 2 jobs with no help, if I had a chance I would have gone to all your events"?  [/quote]

The latter. I don't yell. But I am just so tired of him constantly bringing it up and saying " you should feel ASHAMED". [/quote]

I'm a single parent. I don't know if this is what's happening in your situation but I had a family therapist tell me sometimes boys/sons can be disrespectful towards their moms and to limit that, in part because it shouldn't be happening and in part because his future relationships with women may also become disrespectful.

Your son shouldn't be talking to you like that and telling you should be ashamed. Sorry, that's disrespectful. You should feel free to tell him he has no right to tell you what you should be feeling or that you should be ashamed.

You did the best you could. Tell him that and don't make excuses, don't explain your absences. You did the best you could and one day when he is a parent, he will understand and appreciate what you did. Remind yourself everyday that you did the best you could and know that one day he will tell you so.[/quote]

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