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[quote=Anonymous]Not many parents are going to say “you’re right, I was wrong to do that and am sorry, I love you and should have done better.” Most good parents really did their best, and loved their kids in the best way they could, & made immense sacrifices for them. So like the PP with the DS who complains she missed his  holiday concert, it’s hard for that mom to see that as a screw up & apologize, because she knows of all of the other things she was doing (like maybe working during that day so they could have a home, food, etc).

Your parents probably did the best they could, and did a lot for you that you do not remember. Not saying you should thank them, I am just saying that they are coming at things from their vantage point as the parent during those years, & you have a very different vantage point.

Each generation is an improvement. Maybe their parents were abusive, or didn’t have money to provide for them, or never told them that they loved them. So with you, they overcame the model of abuse, or were able to provide more to you financially, or were able to hug you or say they love you every year on your birthday - whatever it was, it represents growth & sacrifice on their part. So when you tell them about what you are unhappy about in your childhood, they’ll think “but I did this, and this, etc.”

And, you will probably redo the same to your kids. You will parent better, be more emotionally available, but there will always be something you do that disappoints them, because parents are just human beings doing the best they can.

So I would look at therapy, reparenting your inner child, whatever you need to do so that you don’t need an apology from them to know that it wasn’t right. You are an adult now & don’t need them to admit they are wrong, you don’t need them to approve of you, you don’t need them to praise you - they’re not parenting you anymore, you can both be free of that & have a relationship as adults.

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