Reply to Anybody not want kids but have them anyway? (TTC and unsure)

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[quote=Anonymous]A couple things. 
Introverts - This doesn't have to be an issue. I'm an introvert and I'm perfectly happy with my child. In fact, if you are happier being at home and don't feel like you're missing anything by not going out like other people do/used to, then you'll be fine. Also, I get plenty of calm, quiet time breastfeeding my child before bedtime/naps or during the night. I love the sweet, quiet, just the two of us moments. I just wouldn't confuse being an introvert with being selfish. My sister is the latter and she struggles with her son being "inconvenient". There is a difference. 
Marriage - So, people are talking about how your marriage changes after having children. The truth is that no one can tell you whether it will change for better or worse. A child may bring you closer together (we're in this as a team, we created this beautiful being, etc.) or strain things (finding time to connect with each other). You should also consider the effect on your marriage if you don't have children and your husband really wants them. I'm not saying to have them against your will. But you really need to come together on this. It sounds like you already have and decided to try. 
Fear - Fear of the unknown is normal. You just can't predict how your pregnancy or birth experience will go, let alone breastfeeding and motherhood. If you are empowered by information, I suggest doing as much research as possible, taking care not to get scared by all the non-best-case scenarios. Everyone is different and will have a different experience. I had a great pregnancy and though my birth experience wasn't exactly as planned, I knew going into it that things rarely go as planned, so I just rolled with it. I also believe in the self-fulfilling prophecy on this one. My sister was terrified of childbirth and had a more traumatic birth experience. I did a lot of research, intellectualized it, looked into hypnobirthing and other birthing methods and was happy with my birth experience.  
Baby-Oriented - This is another one of those things that you may not be able to predict. I am the youngest in my family and was never really around babies and never had "baby fever" or anything. In fact, I still have no great affinity for anyone else's children. (This is why I disagree with the advice to be around friends' children.) But I LOVE my own child and think she is the most awesome baby in the world. In fact, I think she is so awesome, I'm looking forward to having more. 
Other good news - You are actually planning this baby. You can take the time to watch your nutrition and fitness. You can be active and stay fit during your pregnancy, which has better outcomes for labor. You can decrease your child's risk of birth defects by having proper nutrition. You are starting ahead of a lot of people and can be in control of creating the experience you want. 
Change - Yes, life with kids is different than life without kids. But that doesn't mean it is worse. Whether you want kids or not, you have no idea how difficult or wonderful they can be until you have them. 
Getting your head in the game - A lot of people say not to have them if you don't want them. I would just say that once you think about all the many factors and discuss things with your husband, if you do decide to have children, really commit yourself to having them. Like some of the other posters, I think my mother had no business having children (did it because it was the next step, cultural expectation, whatever) because she didn't fully commit to raising them. Consequently, my brother and I have a very fractured relationship with her. However, we both have very deep relationships with our children. We take it very seriously. We are committed to making sure they feel loved and cared for and know that we support their personal development. So, even if you aren't sure you "want" to have kids, please make a commitment to being their mother if you do have them. [/quote]

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