Reply to Anybody not want kids but have them anyway? (TTC and unsure)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I always tell my childless friends that if they like their life the way it is now, don't have kids.  Kids are expensive, loud, messy, sometimes rude, sassy, difficult, you name it.  They are also wonderful, adorable, sweet, loving, etc.  If you like your life now, I wouldn't have kids.[/quote]

This.

[b]If you have friends with toddlers go spend time with them[/b].  I love my daughter, she's everything I wanted, but she is hard work. Everyday, hard work. [/quote]

This would not have been good advice for me.  Nothing about hanging out with other people's kids would have been appealing for for me.  Truthfully, I'm not a "kid" person, and I'm not one who loves holding other people's babies or spending time with their toddlers (though I do like older kids.)  So anyway, if that were my "test," I never would have had kids, which would have been a hug mistake because I ADORE mine!!!  For me, that love is not about the fact that they're kids -- it's about getting to know them and their personalities, having adventures (even tiny ones) and building relationships together, and seeing life through their eyes.  They're absolutely awesome to me, though of couse I recognize others may not feel the same.  :-)

My advice on all of this is to talk with your DH.  If you think you may need extra quiet and space, brainstorm with him about how you together can make that work.  There's no one way to be a good parent or a happy parent.  If you and your DH are a team, my guess is you can find a way to work together so you can meet your personal needs AND enjoy parenting, too.  (As for the childbirth part, it's really fine.  I know that minimizes both your feelings and the whole crazy process of delivering a child, but trust me when I tell you it's something you can get through and be fine about.  And then that part is over!)

Also, I think it's good advice to think about one kid at a time.  I agree with the advice above that two kids is A LOT more work than one, and it's the quiet alone time that always seems to suffer.  Again, we're happy with two for a whole bunch of reasons, but there's no doubt that life is more hectic and full.

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