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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Moms often complain that their work is never done, that they have to carry the mental load, and that they often feel guilt that some area of their responsibility is being neglected.  For most of them, I don’t think that beating themselves up for not initiating more is high on their lists of favorite guilt trips.

Ladies, your platonic roommate marriages are just so close to the breaking point, if you only knew.  It may take some other precipitating situation to push him over the edge, but your clear-eyed husband will see that walking away from a roommate situation is not like giving up on a real marriage.[/quote]

I would say that [b]every time[/b] a married woman initiates it’s because she feels guilty and/or is trying to be a good wife.

I have been reading a little about responsive desire in women, and [b]it’s seemed obvious[/b] to me.  What I didn’t understand until I thought about it is that [b]men never[/b] think about sex this way.

DH never initiates sex unless he is already turned on.  I know that I’m not going to be turned on until 13.5 minutes into foreplay, so I initiate out of something like guilt or a desire to be a good wife.

I think that’s why men sometimes turn down their wives when they suggest something.  The men aren’t turned on right then in that moment, and they don’t think about sex in terms of trying to be a good and giving partner.    I think this is why it’s kind of painful to be turned down as a married woman.   
[/quote]

Some women clearly have spontaneous desire, and a lot of us men married women with spontaneous desire who lost that kind of desire for one reason or another. I don't think I'm that uncommon as a man in that being desired by my wife really turns me on -- I guess that might be a form of responsive desire itself. Whatever you call it, when she stopped initiating, it made me feel pretty bad. That used to be a clear sign she was into me. Now I don't get that kind of positive affirmation from anyone. Also, I don't want to have sex with my wife if she's just putting up with it. When she initiates, that's a sign that she actively wants to have sex with me.

As far as being good and giving, I think getting her off is most of the fun. I can get myself off whenever -- getting to push her buttons, warming her up and then turning her into a puddle -- is a good time!

This isn't wrong, exactly, but there are too many absolutes in here. [/quote]

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