Reply to I feel like I’m losing my daughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would not back off and once a week or even twice a month do something special with just her - even if its a quick going out for ice cream, but take her out to eat and shopping or something she enjoys doing.  My mom never made an effort to spend time with me and wonders why our relationship is so strained.  I was always the last priority.  She may feel the same way and she needs you to make the effort.[/quote]

This situation is different than you and your mom. OP says that she tries to do things with her daughter and her daughter refuses. How can OP do something special once a week or even twice a month if her daughter refuses and tells her to leave her alone? Don’t you think it was special to buy matching pjs to share just mom and daughter? How is that any less thoughtful than a quick ice cream?[/quote]

Of course she refuses.  The rift is too big.  OP needs to turn this around before it's too late.  Don't give her the option to refuse.  Hey Larlina, we're going out to get ice cream.  I wouldn't want matching PJ's nor would my teen.  They'd like a meal out or ice cream.  I have no issue with saying let's go out and they will come.  If anything they want to do it more.[/quote]

The rift is too big? What are you basing this from? To say that you’ve got to be projecting. OP is so upset about her daughter not wanting to do stuff with her that she’s asking advice from random people. She’s at a loss and feels like she’s losing her daughter. Meanwhile, the daughter didn't mind wearing matching PJs and doing a photo shoot with the stepmom. Why is the rift bigger with mom than stepmom? What did mom do wrong? She didn’t manage to keep dad around? And stepmom managed to catch that gift to women? What I see is Dad abandoned them both and now Mom’s the bad guy. Of course, he couldn’t live with her, yada, yada because mom is so demanding and annoying, but stepmom is awesome. Daughter sucks. There’s no way OP can turn this around with more love and kindness, daughter will just see it as weakness and stupidity and she’ll think it’s overbearing. Mom needs to step back.[/quote]

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