Reply to How to broach asking for a family members eggs

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[quote=Anonymous]I think for at least some people, your question could come across as “Give me one of your potential children” (as someone said upthread), which is about as palatable as “Can I borrow your husband” or “Your eggs are interchangeable spare parts, I want to access them”

Whatever the case, I think you need to make it so that she thinks it’s her idea to offer, and don’t presume they are available to you. If anything you say might offend her, whether it’s because she feels you are cornering her, or she can’t believe how entitled you’re being, she may react with anger/horror and that is not likely to lead to a yes. Seeming extremely desperate is also not good. It’s such a sensitive topic, I would really think carefully about your language if you’re going to approach her about this.

I’d also think through why you think it would be better to take one of your sister’s eggs instead of going through a donor, and whether you would put these rationales to her, and whether you think she would be receptive to them. Not at all saying these are your reasons, but for example “Because you already have them ‘ready’ so it would be easier” or “Because it would be cheaper than going through the egg donor process” would not be good reasons, because they dehumanize her and discount the money, physical pain, stress, time, and effort she put in to make this investment for her own future and family planning.

I’m sorry you’re going through infertility. It’s a rough and demoralizing road. I don’t know your family dynamics, but please don’t alienate yourself from your family during a time that you need support. Please accept your sister’s support in whatever form she is able to give it, knowing that it might not be a gift of one of her eggs. Wishing you the best of luck[/quote]

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