Reply to What one societal expectation, if removed, would make life easier for moms?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can someone explain when these expectations become reality?

Other than a mother/MIL commenting on something (that’s a family problem?) or the school calling the mom first, where and how do you feel these pressures?

Maybe I just DGAF but the whole Christmas magic thing, or nutritious meals - why do you feel like that’s on YOU as a mom? I assume my husband is equally as responsible for that stuff as I am so I don’t feel guilty if I don’t make it happen. So I’m trying to figure out where the guilt is coming from - is it self imposed? If so, let it go![/quote]

Regarding stuff like holiday magic and healthy meals, I find the bulk of the pressure comes from other moms. It can take a lot of forms. I have a few friends that constantly want to plan holiday outings with our kids during the holidays, and if I say no to any of it, they are not above laying a guilt trip about how much the kids would love a holiday train/gingerbread decorating/ice skating/light installation/etc. Or you get the people who openly judge anyone who lets their kid eat processed snacks or doesn't do a sit down meal with the family every single night.

I can ignore a lot of this and I'm good at saying no or "we do what works for our family." But that doesn't mean I don't feel the guilt sometimes. Even scrolling DCUM or my neighborhood listserve, I sometimes get this feeling of inadequacy. None of it comes from my mom or MIL. It's all other moms, including my sister and some of my good friends.

Actually I've had several friends tell me they appreciate that I'm honest about the challenges of parenthood and don't participate in the olympic-level sport of being the perfect mom. Which is a kind of backhanded compliment, but I actually am proud of it so I'll take it. I'm happy to be your resident mediocre mom who doesn't want make you feel inadequate. My kids seem happy.[/quote]

I’m PP. You need better friends! I’m serious - I can’t think of a single time any of my friends have said anything like that.

The wife of my husband’s college friend once made a nasty comment about breastfeeding (I had twins and had to supplement with formula and she basically said my kids were going to suffer the rest of their lives) so I stopped spending any time with her. My husband could see his friend and I would attend group activities but I otherwise wouldn’t put myself anywhere near this woman’s presence again.

If it’s family (mother, MIL, sisters, SILs) then I get how hard that would be to escape. But DCUM and a neighborhood listserve? You may really want to talk to someone about why you feel the need to compare yourself to people who are probably not telling you the whole truth. Just imagine someone on here posting about the benefits of the vegan diet they feed their kids…when in reality the dad takes those kids out for McDonald’s afterwards because they all hate mom’s cooking!

I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just genuinely hoping you’ll free yourself from the shackles of someone else’s ridiculous expectations for your life. Learn to let those things go![/quote]

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