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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My neighbor is going through a major health crisis and is very active on a blog/GoFundMe. Her spouse is dying of a rare cancer. In her posts, she often talks about people who have ghosted/faded during the crisis -- people whom she has considered her friends who just have not stepped up. Meanwhile, other people have surprised her by really coming through.

What is it, in a person, that either causes them to step up to help -- and what is the thought process among people who do NOT help or show support when someone is dealing with a medical issue? What is the rationale/mindset on either end? I just cannot fathom being close to someone and ghosting if they have an illness. How on earth and why?

[/quote]

This was eye opening to me when I had my mastectomy a few years back, and then several related surgeries.  The friends closest to me, who I considered family, were so profoundly disappointing that I’m still not over it. I can’t think of them the same. Not only did they not offer to help or do the usual things like bring a meal, but they did nothing in response to specific asks. I was shocked. Especially after helping them significantly during deaths of parents and other situations.

The people I least expected to be helpful were the ones that stepped up and seemed to genuinely care.

My medical issues were several years ago. But I haven’t been able to get passed it or think of them the same. And it was, and is still, deeply depressing to come to know that your people- your ride or die people- actually weren’t. [/quote]

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