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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem, OP, is that it comes across as: my gift to you this year is that you get to spend time with MEEEEEE!!!!  It’s just over the top narcissistic.

If it’s family gathering time you care about, host the event. If it’s an activity that you think they really care about, give them a certificate to do it, no strings attached. Don’t make a gift to them revolve around you.

And FWIW, I am usually in the camp of adult family members don’t even need to give each other gifts. Kids only would be fine. I’d prefer that over the idea of gifting “time together”, which sets up all kinds of expectations on the receiver.[/quote]

Exactly. If you want to spend time together, host. I like visiting family in a low-stakes, casual, comfortable, relaxing way.

I do NOT want to spend time with them in ways that are stressful. I love my nieces and nephews, but to be honest, they squabble and I don't want them to ruin an outing to the zoo. If they squabble at home, well, they're a bit distracted by cousins, or they can go to their rooms or go play video games in the basement or whatever. Big activities that require travel, logistics, parking, etc., we want to do that with just-us to minimize stress and maximize enjoyment. A forced trip to the aquarium or a ballet performance with my sister/BIL/kids would NOT be the best way for us to enjoy time with them. A pizza night at their house would be great. The "gift" of a trip to the zoo with them would be a burden.

Your ILs clearly feel the same way; why are you trying to insert yourself and force this? Isn't this supposed to be a gift?[/quote]

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