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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a lot of friend upheaval in my mid to late 30s because I realized that some of the people I thought were close friends thought of me more as a supporting cast member in the TV show that is their life. I had a few friends who I think had cast me in roles like "neighbor always available to help out" or "school mom who agrees with me about education principles." The problem with being cast in a role like that is that they want you to show up in that way, every day, for the duration of your relationship. So if one day you say "I'm so sorry -- work is crazy right now and I don't have time to watch your kids today," or "I don't know, I think the 1st grade teacher has been pretty good," they don't want to be your friend anymore because there's no room in the relationship for you to be a person who can make choices or have other priorities. This is the story of their life, remember? You're supposed to show up and deliver your lines and then you basically cease to exist when not on screen.

I purged these friends in my late 30s and never looked back. At first it felt sad but the further I get from it, the more I appreciate my actual friends who don't have these narrow expectations and get that I'm a whole person with my own stuff. And I realize I was never going to get what I needed from those friends.[/quote]

God, this is so accurate. I remember after a while with someone feeling like I was trotted out at parties to play some role, the quirky one or something. I also had a couple of friends who would contact me at their lowest times but not when they were just doing regular activities.  That got old.[/quote]

A friend once got mad at me for deciding to grow my hair long because "you're my friend with short hair!" WTF, we're not the cast of Sex and the City, weirdo.[/quote]

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