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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yup. A number of times, often driven by insecurity. There was one friendship that I thought was going to last a lifetime. In hindsight, she was fine as long as she was superior to me. More affluent family of origin, more prestigious college, successful boyfriend that had promised to marry her by 25. We were great until she got dumped, I got into a competitive professional program, and then had the audacity to get engaged (to a man I met in that program) before her.

Years ago, I had a dream about her. [b]It was a series of small comments, hurtful comments, she had made during our friendship. The sort of thing you would notice, but assume you were being overly sensitive about.[/b] When I woke up, I thanked my subconscious for showing me the light. [/quote]

Female friendships often have a lot of this. It's very tricky because a lot of it is the kind of thing you'd have to crazy to get mad about on its own. People sometimes say insensitive things, are late, etc. It's normal and you can't get too upset about any of it because you know you do it too.

But I had a friendship like yours where over time it became clear that it was very important to her that she always just be a little better than me. She didn't want a friend so much as an acolyte. And all those little comments or rudenesses (just slightly putting down where I went to school or making a little joke about my outfit, showing up late without apologizing too many times to count, assuming I'll be available to help her with something without asking first, etc.) added up over time and made it clear that she didn't feel she owned me the same level of respect that I offered to her.

Of course when I started pulling away, she lashed out, accused me of being oversensitive, claimed I was the one being rude to her. She'd accuse me of stuff I wasn't doing (like saying mean things about her behind her back -- I went out of my way to keep my opinions about her to myself and stay neutral in conversations with mutual friends) and later I'd find out she was doing it. Eventually I found out her husband had trashed me all over the place, said horrible untrue things about me just to make me look bad. I am embarrassed to admit I still cared enough to be hurt. But with time, I can see how all of the behavior, from those little petty slights early on that I kept telling myself were not big deal, to her DH just going nuclear on me in the gossip mill, were all of a piece. It's all the same stuff. I don't think she ever really liked me as a person, I think she liked using me as a measuring stick for her own life and liked that she always felt just a teensy bit better than me. But in the end she showed herself to be significantly meaner and less mature, so oh well.[/quote]

guh yeah i hate that. things that you just cant quite get upset about because you feel like either you are overreacting, you've done something similar, or perhaps you're misreading. but they add up over time.

i'm sorry her husband was in on it too. that really kinda makes it worse.[/quote]

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