Reply to Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote]I agree, but it becomes toxic when the parents view their peer group as ‘competition’, and your children as their child’s ‘competition’.[/quote]

Pulling this out because this hits the nail on the head.

We are moving to a suburb of a large-ish city in the midwest to be closer to my DH's family but also to get out of the DMV because I can't take it anymore. Since COL is so much lower there, we had our literal pick of where to buy -- the equity in our DC combined with savings means we'll be able to buy pretty much anywhere in this city for cash or just taking out a small mortgage (which is how we are affording the job changes that are making this move possible). We've spent the last year looking at neighborhoods and schools, talking to friends and family in the area, doing research, visiting schools, etc. The city has three close in suburbs that are considered by many to have the "best" schools in the area, and this is backed up by test scores and our observations visiting the schools. However there are also several other areas where schools are considered very strong, and then the city itself actually has a lot of very good elementary schools and a collection of magnets that we were really impressed by, even though we decided we'd rather live outside the city itself for lifestyle reasons.

Here's what really leaped out at me, though, as we visited schools and talked to people, but was especially true in the three areas with those "best" schools everyone in the area raves about:

People talk about the schools in a collective way, and the pride people take in these schools reflects the belief that their kids attend great schools supported by a great community, NOT that their individual kids are the best kids. People might brag on their kids a bit but (1) they'll call it out and say something like "if you'll let me brag on my son a bit, he's first chair violinist in the orchestra and the school's music program has really allowed him to flourish" -- so the focus is still on the program and the support it offers, and not on telling me how his kid is a genius, and (2) most people countered bragging with acknowledgements of how their kids might struggle or need help and how the school or community supported them. For instance, I talked to parents whose kids are not very sporty in an area where the schools have great sports teams, and they talked about a program designed to give kids who aren't athletes opportunities to participate in spirit events in other ways so that the focus isn't always just on the athletes.

It was just night and day compared to the way people around here talk about kids. Like something I experience in the DMV all the time is one-upping. I'll say my kid started taking dance classes at a nearby studio, and the parent I'm talking to will inform won't say "oh really, Larla does ballet too, they should talk" or "that's great, we've had such a good experience with dance for Larla -- let me know if you want to chat about it more, as I know a lot of the schools and instructors around here." Instead, she'll tell me "oh at that age Larla had been in ballet for 3 years already, you can't really get into any of the good pre-professional programs starting that late." And people here are like that about EVERYTHING. Their kid is doing more, is better at it, and they know more about it than you ever will. It is exhausting.

Anyway, just pointing out there is another way. I have reached a point where I feel like a lot of people here have the same personality disorder and even though there are normal people sprinkled in, the disorder is contagious. We're getting out while this stuff still strikes us as weird and bad. I hope when we move, people are understanding that we are fleeing a weird place and forgive us if initially we come off as cagey and competitive. I worry we will have some DMV tendencies that won't be welcome in a place with mental healthy, balanced people, so we'll have to stay on top of that![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics