Reply to Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's fine.  "Middle class striver" values are hard work, the importance of education and knowledge, and earning a good living.   Those are the types of values I want to inculcate in my children.[/quote]

I agree, but it becomes toxic when the parents view their peer group as ‘competition’, and your children as their child’s ‘competition’.  I actually recently dropped someone in our social group, because I couldn’t stand her always judging me for everything - my clothing, my manicure, my vacation home, my house size/price, my decor.  Then when it came to my kid - she would constantly make comments about how her kid is better than mine.  When I actually witnessed her kid making similar comments to my highly intelligent, shy, high anxiety kid I told the mom my kid needed distance from hers, because it wasn’t healthy for her anxiety.  I also took this as an opportunity to distance myself from her.  It just grated me like a sharp cheddar.  My kids need to always do their best, true.  I don’t want them to measure their self-worth by how well they stack up in conventional ways against others.  My kids have intrinsic value independent of the ribbon they get in the race, the number of goals they score, or their academic placement on a test/class.  Just like I don’t measure how great I am by my fancy home/car/clothes/handbag/whatever status symbol.  I really am happier without this family around every corner for me and my kid.

That said, I do like some of the resources living in an area like this brings.  Like we do have access to some of the finest museums, schools, medical care, etc.[/quote]

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