Reply to How unusual is it to have no close friends in your 40s?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thank you for all the insightful replies.

The fact that I have no close friends has bothered me for a long time.  I thought going to therapy and discussing it would help, but my therapist seems just as perplexed as I am because she doesn't see anything that I'm doing wrong or any major social skills issues.  I also do really well at my job and I have a lot of interaction with clients (and my clients really like me and I get great feedback from clients), so no issues there and I think my social skills are good.

So I'm not sure why I don't have any close friends, despite trying so hard.

I have organized a few events in women's social groups like brunch, walks, and meeting to go to specific events, but I've never made any friends doing that either.  I am open to friends of all ages and married/single as well as kids/childfree, but I haven't been able to make any friends who are not moms either.

It's hard to make friends at my job because I work from home 90% of the time and we have very few staff meetings or opportunities to get to know co-workers, and it's also a very small office.

I have done tons of volunteering at my kids' school over the years (room parent every year, PTA every year, random volunteering, chaperoning field trips) and I did make one nice mom friend through the volunteering when my oldest was in Kindergarten but then they moved out of state at the end of that year and we haven't kept in touch.

I have a few acquaitnances from before kids who live in the area but they never seem to want to meet up (maybe once or twice a year) and that to me isn't a friendship.  I reach out every few months but they're always too "busy" to meet up.  I feel like that's the main problem--no one wants to make time for a friendship with me, everyone is too "busy."

When the kids were toddlers/preschoolers I felt that other moms were more open to making friends, and we entertained a lot back then (Halloween parties, 4th of July parties, monthly game nights and brunches) but no one invited us so we decided to stop hosting and entertaining as much, and now entertain maybe once or twice a year.

I have gotten to know some of the moms of my kids' friends, but they don't seem interested in a friendship with me either.

The odd thing about playdates is that the kids do have a lot of fun and I have heard the kids ask their parents if my kids can come over to their house and the parents say no.  We have had very few playdates reciprocated (maybe 2 total in the last 3 years).

Someone asked if there's anything weird or offputting about me.  I don't think there is other than that I have a facial hair problem that I work hard to keep under control (but if you look closely you can tell that I shave my face).  Maybe that is the problem why other women don't like me?  I've always wondered about that.

The only other thing that could be an issue is my weight.  I am very thin and have an athletic build and have gotten comments about this from other moms who have seen me eat (like how can you eat that much and be so thin?)  It's like a critical thing and I feel them judging me.  I have been the same weight since I was 14 (size 4) and most of my kids' friends moms are overweight, so I wonder if that is part of it?  Other women are always asking about my exercise habits and I always tell them I exercise a few times a week even though I don't exercise other than walking.[/quote]

I think a lot of women still function in high school mode. It’s practically a given with sone people. I’ve been ignored at the school bus stop. I don’t know what to do. Give it 10-15 years they’ll all be desperate for you to join their bridge or book clubs after the kids move away and the grandparents pass away. My 73-year-old mother has a better social life, probably because they all have nothing else to take up their time. Their husbands are couch potatoes and the grandkids are in school. So there’s hope 😂[/quote]

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