Reply to How unusual is it to have no close friends in your 40s?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a few long-time friends who live in other states and we talk about once a month but I don’t see them. Other than that, I really don’t have any friends. I’m also in my mid-40s. I did not see this coming. I had lots of friends when I was single up until my early 30s and then as everyone married and had kids or moved as we did, the ties that were already kinda weak weakened further then broke. So yeah, it all got harder after having kids.

The pandemic also had a big impact. People moved away or just became even more distant and more selective with who they associated with. Some also have grandparents close by, and that’s who all of their free time goes to.

These days, maybe two mothers I know will reach out for playdates but I’m fully aware these are not mom friendship-driven calls. I can even tell by the way we’re asked to meet up that the other mom doesn’t want to be my friend— “Larlo would love to see Jimmy today and asked if he would like to go to the park with him,” as if the kid is speaking through a puppet. I’m looking forward to the day my kids can handle their socializing without having to sit on a bench with someone who really isn’t interested in being a friend.

I do agree it’s a good idea to try to find friends who do not have kids because I do attribute much of the situation to schedules. I did have an older friend without kids but she and her husband moved far away because he retired. That is another consideration with older friends in a different life phase. They don’t need to stay in the pricey neighborhood for the schools, and it’s not like you’ll be dragging your family to the 55+ neighborhood to visit them in South Carolina.

So, I don’t know what to do. I may have to force myself to join Meetup, if people still even do that, or sign up for yoga again. [/quote]

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