Reply to MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you guys celebrate Christmas? I would either box her stuff up when you roll out the Christmas decorations, or if it’s too late for that now, I’d box them up afterwards for a fresh start with the new year.  I’d tell my husband either she’s leaving in January or I am.

It’s a rare case where you can have two women in one house.  This is clearly not working.  [/quote]

OP here, this is maybe one thing that has me more angry than anything - I can't put up any decorations or even the tree because her sh*t is everywhere.  I would love to box her stuff up and then put it out with a curb alert, but I am actually terrified of her.  She has a terrible temper, and we all walk on eggshells around her.  DH is also scared of her, which is why he allows this to go on.  I am a very conflict-avoidant person, as having someone shout at me makes me literally shake and feel sick, and I just cannot stand up to her.  I know it sounds like I'm a doormat - maybe I am - but I have been made to feel for so many years like I am the problem, and I just need to be friendlier and a better host.

Yes, she is from another culture.  (Please don't everyone try to guess, it's not that common and you won't get it.)  I am not from that culture, but it's hard to stand up to this stuff when every other person in the family sees me as the problem.  And it is a really really big family.  I don't want to leave my husband.  We have been married 25 years and have a tween, and he's otherwise a great husband, plus financially it's not feasible for me.  The fact that he is also unable to stand up to her, and that this puts him in such a bad situation and makes him unhappy, makes me want to be the bigger person and just put up with it for his sake, but there is a limit, and I feel like the limit is not that far away.  For the record, this is not the first time she's done this, which is why I suspect it could go on for several more months at least (even though DH keeps assuring me it won't, based on no evidence I can see), which is why I am so anxious. [/quote]

Change the locks.  Get plastic bins and take her crap down and tell her she can put up stuff when she gets her own place.

Or give her a date and tell her to leave.  Invite someone else to stay so she has to go.  Who cares what the family thinks?  If they care so much they can house her! Ask your husband to take her to look at places and have her sign a lease or something.  Where does she normally live?  What is her financial situation? Does your husband have siblings?  Can they help?

Your husband needs to grow up and stand up to his mother.  Give her a date when she has to leave or play her game.  If she won’t leave I say make her so uncomfortable in the home so she leaves or start eviction proceedings.  Make your own meals… for only you and tween.

Honestly I don’t like being passive aggressive and I am very communicative (to a fault sometimes if I have an issue with you I’ll tell you and hope you do the same if I’m nothing you), but sometimes you gotta play the game the other person is playing for them to understand.  No one should make you uncomfortable in your own home.  Don’t ask her plans anymore you have done that and she won’t give a firm
Answer so talk to your husband and pick a date and tell her she needs to be out by that date.

And whatever you do when she moves out don’t let her stay again.  Have her stay with a relative or just pay for a hotel for a few days for her.  Not worth going through this again! [/quote]

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