Reply to MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP,

You and husband may prefer to stew and suffer through his mother's obnoxious ways, but I can tell you this: the day you both stand up to her, despite her temper and family pressure, is the say you'll be reborn as a human being.

I come from a large multicultural family and some members are definitely obnoxious. They only respond to strength. They bully the weaklings. Therefore the only solution is to respond with greater strength. The other relatives may actually respect you more, I don't know how they are, but please don't assume that their submissive behavior denotes acquiescence. Regardless of their opinions, if you and your husband are united and lay clear boundaries, there isn't much harm they can do to you: blackball you from family functions? Maybe that'll be a relief! Disinherit you? Seems like you've got a good enough life already.

As for standing there while someone else shouts at you... I'm socially anxious, and I HATE yelling and conflict. But your situation is where I would welcome a confrontation. I need to feel safe and secure in my own home. That is non-negotiable. If someone yells at me for hours after being told they need to leave, and then takes another few days of packing and making nasty remarks before actually leaving... it's a small price to pay!

It may take you and your husband a while to get there, particularly your husband, if he's endured a lifetime of mothering by this person. You'll really have to push him, and you might need to take the lead in speaking up for both of you when the time comes. Rehearse your speech, and have several exit strategies depending on how she reacts.

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