Reply to If your parents lived amicably and then divorced while you were in college, how did you do?

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Reply to "If your parents lived amicably and then divorced while you were in college, how did you do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband's parents did this.  He found it very hard.  One problem was that because they divorced after he was 18 they never had to negotiate how to split holidays, school breaks or money.  [b]As a result he ended up in the middle of a fight between them for everything, with both parents guilt tripping him.  Where to spend Thanksgiving? [/b] Where to spend Christmas?  Who would pay his car insurance?  Who would pay for new tires?  Who would buy him clothes? Who gets to take him out to dinner for parents weekend?  Where did he live for summer break?  Spring break?

It all got harder again when his parents remarried and then had young step kids who they were raising.  That was so awkward.  His parents want him to treat them as siblings, but they were strangers who he wasn't at all interested in knowing.  He had his own life and wasn't ever part of his parents new families.[/quote]

My parents divorced my first semester of my sophomore year in college. Honestly, it really sucked. [b]Because I was an adult, they somehow thought it was ok to involve me in their feelings about eiach other and lay on the guilt. [/b]I wish they had divorced when I was a kid - I think everyone would have been happier.[/quote]

DP - my parents divorced when I was in my early 20s and the bolded is spot-on.  Once you're 18+, most parents in this situation aren't thinking about how to handle stuff like holidays, whether they talk about their personal lives with you, etc.  They want out and they figure you're an adult now, so anything goes.  At least in amicable divorces with minor children, these kinds of norms and boundaries are well-established.

OP, I also think you need a reality check about what healthy, long-term marriage looks like.[/quote]

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