Reply to People who "go for the jugular"

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "People who "go for the jugular""

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Grey rock, every time. Don’t respond, just look at them slightly puzzled and walk away.
These are normally people that were at risk in childhood and learned attack is the best defense. Later they regret their approach but patterns are hard to break. So do them the favor and don’t escalate, they will feel shame enough later if they have any introspection at all and if they don’t you at least feel fine.[/quote]
It’s this.

Sadly, I was/am this person and made strides to improve myself and understand WHY.

For me, I was dismissed often as a child, and it was my only defense to be heard! Even if I wasn’t really being heard. It was frustrating not being heard, I just wanted someone to acknowledge me. People would ignore/grey rock me, and that would only infuriate me more. More ignoring! I can’t be loud enough to be heard! Fine. I’ll be louder!

My advice is to HEAR these people, even if you don’t agree. “I hear you, Mary. I can see you’re passionate about this.” Or some variation of this. [/quote]

If you’ve made efforts to understand this, it’s odd that you would advise people to not grey rock this kind of rampaging person. You know your behavior was bad, so why would the solution be for people to engage further and “hear” the person rather than disengage? I find this kind of attacking, especially from a man, alarming.[/quote]
I’m not saying it’s right, but as someone who has been there, I can tell you that grey rocking me was the exact opposite of what my fragile ego needed at that moment and only escalated me to the point of blind rage. I was already on the defensive expecting to not be “heard”; if people weren’t “hearing me” when I was speaking kindly, and they still didn’t when I got louder, maybe they will if I strike to kill. [/quote]

What you describe is disordered thinking akin to mental illness. Few are equipped to deal with it and their best course of action, especially if they don't have a close relationship with you, is to grey rock. It's definitely a 'you' problem.

FWIW, I grew up with horrific abuse. I would never expect/advise others to accommodate me abusing others - which is what OP experienced. Unacceptable [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics