Reply to People who "go for the jugular"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. It's in a semi-professional setting (not my actual job but an organization I work with). It's in my neighborhood so I will likely have to see him/interact with him in the future, even if just in passing (which is one reason why his ruthless behavior is surprising to me -- he doesn't seem to care about completely burning a bridge with me even though we live near each other and will likely interact in the future).

His most recent outburst (via email) was very intense. FWIW, several other people messaged privately after he sent it to let me know they thought it crossed a line and they support me. Which I appreciate. But I still don't know how to respond, if at all. Is there strength in just ignoring it or does that make me look scared of him? To be fair, I'm definitely very wary of him now. The aggression in his message was not subtle.[/quote]

Is this generally the way he handles conflicts in his work and personal life? If so, I would stand my ground regarding the business details and ignore the personal stuff. I had a similar situation with a male in an HOA setting and it was apparent that this was the way he comported himself in his daily relationships. He was angry with me because I had found that he was responsible for damages to a communal element and retaliated with legal threats (which were ridiculous). I didn’t back down from my report to the rest of the HOA members and remained civil with him, said hello to him, never wrote a nasty reply and apart from an email to our HOA lawyer explaining my side, only discussed the situation in person or over the phone with others, never by email or text.

Six months later, the angry guy wanted to buy a pied a terre in a different city and asked me (I was HOA president) to write a recommendation letter to their co-op board. He said something awkward, like “I’m glad we could move on and work together”. It confirmed my conviction that this guy was totally fine threatening and offending people on a regular basis and then pretending like it was no big deal. Like he probably couldn’t even keep track of all the people he had threatened recently. I wrote the letter saying he paid his HOA fees on time.

If your case is similar to mine, don’t take it personally. My angry guy wanted to rattle me and make me back down, so I did the opposite - didn’t back down, ignored the toothless threats, and didn’t escalate with a war of words. [/quote]

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