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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I have been where you are, and some days still am. So much for me was my expectations and my feeling that I had been cheated out of an experience. Life IS unfair, to you and to your DD. I tried feverishly to "fix" my DD, thinkng if it worked then we'd have the life I had expected. Instead we just lost years. I used to resent how hard it was or that the "good time" was minutes here and there and not hours or days. I also worried that my NT child was not getting what he deserved. That child is doing fine and is very compassionate.

It's so hard to strike the right balance as a parent and as a SN parent you have GOT to take care of yourself and consciously balance, otherwise you get too dragged down. A friend sent me the link below, and it resonanted with me on a good day (on a bad day it made me angry). You have 2 children, one is autistic. You cannot change those cards except to add more kids. What is the best life that you can make for everyone in your family being realistic about meeting your DD's needs?

It was so hard for me, I am such a "fixer", I felt like I had failed and that I didn't know what role there was for me in the family. It took time and therapy to envision a different life and time away from DD to build myself back up so I could take steps to create that life for all of us. We're not there yet. You need to take time to grieve as well I think OP. I thought of it as "I can spend more years chasing an impossiblity and raging that I got the short end of the stick" but I would be failing my DD and robbing her of her entire childhood.

You are a survivor OP, you reached out for help. Now work towards being a thriver and showing your kids what that looks like. Part of your feelings toward DD are fear and grief, work through those so you can get to the good stuff.

Jake Greenspan is great, might be worth checking out the program. We worked with him years ago and I always felt both optimistic and realistic when leaving.

Best to you OP. Daily exercise and regular "treats" of whatever guilty pleasure you enjoy can help make life look more doable.

http://m.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/07/what-my-sons-disabilities-taught-me-about-having-it-all/260479/[/quote]

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