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[quote=Anonymous]I spot check my kids phone (12, 14) and they know I do. IMO this is not invading their privacy. The 12 y/o just got her phone and I’ve already seen messages from other girls that are pretty hurtful. On the 14 y/o phone, I’ve learned which kids are freely using the N word or calling kids p*ssy or provoking kids to the point where I can tell the target is really, really upset in group and in 1-1 chats. Kids can be Lord of the Flies vicious on group chats. My DS usually tries to intervene and has started new group chats without the little a**holes.

I only talk to them about messages that I think have crossed a line but I usually frame it as, so tell me about X…what’s this kid like? And go from there. It’s very useful to know which kids have problem behavior or are so entitled they feel comfortable using socially unacceptable and hurtful language in “friend” chats.

I’ll keep reading texts at random through HS and have not qualms about it. When there’s a party at X’s house, I will have background on that kid to know it’s a risk even though his parents gush about what a sweet darling he is.

If my 14 y/o is planning a meetup, it is so easy to ask who he’s meeting when he eventually asks for a ride or says he’s walking over to watch the game. Even if you hadn’t read the texts, wouldn’t you ask those sorts of questions?[/quote]

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