Reply to What did you do about ‘fairness’ if one child’s education costs a lot more than the other’s?

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Reply to "What did you do about ‘fairness’ if one child’s education costs a lot more than the other’s?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They understand we are fair to each of them: they get what they need, not what they want. [/quote]

I think going strictly based on need can set up a dynamic where it can be unfair, especially if there is an element of individual choice that created the need. If the lack of getting a summer job or studying for the SAT meant a parent had to pay more for one kid and could offer less to the other - is that fair?

In situations where the need is created by something out of their control (say a medical situation) and quite frankly it does impact what can be offered in terms of time and resource for the other kids, at a fundamental level your children have to understand life isn’t fair - not to the person thru no fault of their own needed the extra resources and not to rest of the family that has to perhaps make a personal sacrifice of something they wanted to support the sibling getting the resources they need.  That said as a parent, quite honestly we have probably have done some things that were wants vs needs (related to schools and activities) for one of our kids because if we only used need as a yardstick it would have been very easy to focus on their sibling to the exclusion of all else.[/quote]

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