Reply to 12 yo daughter groped at school...at least twice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wanted to give you some insight into what goes through a shy depressed girls brain when she is being sexually harassed like this. I was your daughter, and I was sexually harassed repeatedly in my teens and twenties. In my teens a swim teammate (boy, it was coed) pulled my swimsuit down around my waist every single day for weeks. I was too embarrassed to ask my mom for a new “swim team” type suit and wore my beach suit. He would swim up behind me. Everyone knew, no one did anything.

I was big and strong. I could have decked the kid, held him underwater, kicked him in the nuts. I did all those things to my big brother! But all I wanted to do was disappear. Having attention called to me was more painful than the harassment. There is also a voice in your head that says “maybe this is okay - maybe he’s allowed to do this - maybe if I say something everyone will laugh at me for making a fuss.” That voice in my head allowed me to be groped on buses, trains, streets and airplanes for the next 10 years.

That voice prevented me from saying a decisive clear NO in my 20s when I didn’t want to sleep with an ex boyfriend who invited me over for a movie.

You don’t need to get her self defense class, though I’m sure that is great. You need to figure out how to change the voice in her head that says other people have rights to her body, and that people paying attention to her will humiliate her. That’s what is preventing her from standing up for herself.

Good luck to you and your daughter, OP.
[/quote]

This is an extraordinarily important post from a very brave poster who has obviously made great strides in her own development. Women have a right to bodily integrity. They are not playthings or amusements for psychopaths. They don’t need to apologize. They need to get mad, really mad, and act on that anger in precise and targeted ways. This poster is right that a change of heart and self image will help. Martial arts can be a tool toward that, but there are other avenues as well. Anything that involves accomplishment can build self-esteem. This poster also makes the critical point that the victim is not at fault and bears no responsibility for their trauma. Saying that the victim “should have” done this or that ignores this. But there is an opportunity now to make an example of the attacker in this case, demonstrating to the victim how much power she really has, and it would be a shame to waste that. [/quote]

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