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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the same breath as asking what the grandchildren would like for Christmas, my mother sent me and my sister each separate, numbered lists of “what I want”, including the helpful instructions “just get me what is on this list, nothing more.” My list includes expensive specific art supplies more readily available near her than near me, discontinued items available only on eBay at a vast markup, etc. She tempers her demands by noting “these are the only things I need, don’t worry about getting anything else.”

There are variations of this behavior every year, but for some reason this is the first year that I’ve had enough and am mad. I haven’t asked for anything since I was 10 or 11! When I was in my 20s and making $30k/year in NYC, she would send elaborate lists that included things that could only be purchased at Bergdorfs or Saks, and when I had to get smaller or more affordable versions of things she would make sure I knew I got the wrong thing. She has always had more money than me.

Last year and the year before, I ignored the list. I got a gift basket thing of cute local consumable stuff from my city and called it a day. Later, she pouted, and told me all about the little things other people got her and that she “didn’t have enough to open.” Then she told me that her favorite thing to do was set up her gifts to look at all day on the 26th but she didn’t have enough to set up last year and it made her sad. Mind you, the rest of the year she spends downsizing and getting rid of stuff and complaining about having stuff.

It’s not like we have a cozy relationship and I don’t come from a family that showers each other in gifts. She doesn’t ask what I want or spend any time hunting down special stuff for me or my kids (I shop for them and wrap it “from Grandma”, she sends a check that is insufficient for what she’s told me to buy then) so it’s not like this a reciprocal love language for her. She has also been disappointed in me since I was a little girl and always telling me I was too greedy, too much, too loud, too homely, too uncool, etc.- the gifts have long felt like something I’m expected to do to make up for not being the daughter she wished she had.

Obviously there are layers to my situation, but my basic question is this:

Is it normal for adults to give other people their Christmas lists?[/quote]

It's only normal if you ask for a list. I ask for ideas from my SIL for my niece/nephews, for example. I've also asked my parents is there anything they'd like in a year I can't think of anything. Or my DH asks me b/c he is a terrible gift giver. LOL.

But, other than that, no, I've never really heard of such things.

I would simply "drop the rope" as someone put it. You get what you want and can afford. She's going to be a pill either way, right. Then you simply ignore, ignore, ignore. When she pouts and whines and tries to make you feel bad "Ok, mom, well I gotta go. Talk to you in a few weeks." Do.Not.Indulge.Her.  [/quote]

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