Reply to 82-year-old mom refuses to plan, share info, discuss

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. I am reading every post, and there's a lot of very, very wise counsel here. Thank you all.

There are actually some very nice subsidized/ affordable senior housing communities near her, for which I think she might qualify. The units are similar to her condo (independent apartment, full kitchen, new-ish construction)...but with 24-hour safety, transportation, optional activities, lower costs, basic accessibility features...and zero stairs. That's actually how I've tried to frame the conversation the last couple of go-rounds, eg: "hey, Mom, I think an option like this could help keep you independent longer than your current set-up, and for less money, too, but to get on a waitlist, we'd need to get a handle on your income..." But to move forward, I'd need to know more...and that's where we get stuck.

The tips about staying with her, and observing, and sleuthing -- and in the meantime gathering lists of agencies, etc. -- are really, really smart. Also, I have the name of eldercare attorney whom I think she would respond to. I'll reach out to them tomorrow, just to get the ball rolling.

Very relieved that the filial responsibility laws seem to be a non-issue, so I can worry about us separately from worrying about her. Still, I appreciate the nudge to get my own situation in order.

You all are lovely. The situation is frustrating, and pretty profoundly sad. But at the moment, I feel less alone, less blind, and less overwhelmed than I did this morning. I'm grateful. [/quote]

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