Reply to 82-year-old mom refuses to plan, share info, discuss

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this is normal behavior, as aggravating as it is. And it's normal to have to wait for a crisis to force her to make some choices. It's okay. This is just how it goes. Deep breaths.

Do not burden yourself with the obligation to keep her really safe and well-managed. That just isn't realistic in your situation. Being in your 80s implies a certain level of vulnerability whether you're at home or in assisted living-- they each have their pros and cons.  Say to yourself "I am caring for my mother to the best of my ability, and with respect for her autonomy. Bad things can happen in any setting. I am coping as best I can."

[b]Meanwhile, you can get ready on your end.  Take every opportunity to figure out where she banks and who her health care providers are-- I figured out my dad's accountant by offering to bring in his mail from the mailbox. Write down your notes. Identify some in-home care providers in her area that take Medicare so that you have a list when it's needed. See a pro for an explanation of Medicaid and how it works, because she'll probably need it eventually. Try to save up a little money and vacation time. You'll feel better if you're prepared.[/quote][/b]

I am the PP who went through this with two parents, and this is great advice. If I could go back in time, this is what I would have done: be proactive, gather documentation, consult an eldercare lawyer, identify agencies in her area that can provide nurses or in-home health care and have a list ready to go in a crisis. [/quote]

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