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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Abstractly, the problem is that private schools have a sense of what they want to be, but what they can be is a function of who enrolls (among other things).

So do you search for a school whose approach to education approximates your own or do you search for a school that has the cohort you want for your kid(s)?  Or split the difference?

[b]I'd love to find a school for brainiac kids that isn't a pressure cooker.  But that doesn't seem to exist in this area.[/b]

[/quote]

Actually, most of the best schools are great for "brainiacs". The pressure cooker only exists if the kids ( and mainly their parents) want the kids to get straight A's, do a million activities and get into Harvard or Stanford. If the families are fine with their kids getting B's instead of straight A's and going to a good college ( but not an Ivy), then the kids can get a great education and enjoy their childhoods at any of the top independent schools here. (I have been teaching in independent schools for 28 years) If you are in education, you probably know what I am talking about. If not,  watch the documentary "Race to Nowhere". The pressure depicted in that film is actually  being applied by parents, not schools. Give up the dream of crafting the perfect transcript and allow your kid to have fun, enjoy learning, and accept that Stanford probably won't happen. The Ivy's accept about 6% of applicants now. 2-3% of those have a "golden ticket" of some sort ( legacy, large donor, athlete, musician etc). Only the truly brilliant kids are selected form the general pool of applicants. Most people are not truly brilliant. Life will go on.[/quote]

I (the PP you quoted) am in education, I'm not invested in Ivy admissions, and my brainiac is getting a great education at a local independent school.  That said, it's a pressure cooker.  And here I think that the parents vs. school dichotomy is a false one.  Collectively, the parents/families shape school culture as much as the administration and faculty.  (Which was the point I was trying to make about depends on who enrolls).  Fill a "progressive" school with type-A families in a city where the private school market is highly competitive and you'll find insane workloads.  Schools will blame parents, but, of course, schools decide which parental demands they accommodate and which they don't.  And parents don't assign homework or create the structure that determines workloads.  So it's a dynamic.  And it's a collective action problem.  Yeah, individual parents can put more pressure on their kids than a school does, but it's much harder for individual parents to relieve the pressure a school environment creates.  Exit is your most viable option.  But then the question becomes "can you find a better alternative?"  I've looked and I haven't.  Friends have had the same experience.

I'd love to see a school (hell, I'd love to see our school) sit down and say here's what we think is reasonable to demand of bright, energetic kids (or what we want to encourage such kids to demand of themselves in school) and here's what we're going to do to create an environment in which school doesn't provide kids with the opportunity to do much more than that.  And yes I have made this argument to administrators and other parents at DC's school.  Thus far, lots of lip service to change but I don't see any movement beyond guest speakers who, again, blame parents. [/quote]

Try having your kid do His/her homework without cell phone or computer (very few nightly he assignments require a computer) and you'd be surprised by how reasonable the homework load gets.  [/quote]

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