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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother has been cruel to me since I was in elementary school and critical about my appearance, behavior, etc.

I have extremely firm boundaries around my interactions with her, but agreed to a very brief FaceTime session because she was hosting a relative who I rarely see. While the call was connecting, my mom “didn’t realize” I could hear them yet and listed everything bad about my appearance to this relative by saying things like “it’s really obvious, but don’t say anything about how bad her hair or her face looks now” and went on from there before it was obvious that we were connected.

My hair and face are normal and look like that of a 40-something woman who is happy to live 2000 healthy miles away from her mother. My mom giggled in a tee-hee, aren’t we chummy way to the visiting relative. I said to my mom and the relative that I could hear them and my mom acted like a mean tween getting caught by an adult.

I’m seething with how my mom can still make me feel like an unwanted child and how she manipulates relatives into going along with her behavior. It’s insane to me that I’ve grown up and my mom is still the same unevolved parent she was 30 years ago.

I’m a mom. I don’t understand how a mom could ever be amused by being unkind to their own child. What did I do wrong to be treated like this?[/quote]

My mother was exactly like this.

It took me until I was 51/52 and some hard therapy to realize it wasn't about me at all. It's not about you, either. We were born tabula rasa, and then programmed with bad software by broken people. Our mothers are narcissists, and narcissists devour other people to feed their fragile and boundless egos. They especially love to eat their own, the people who they have programmed to fawn and beg for their love.

I'm so sorry your mother was not capable of loving you the way you deserved as an innocent loving child. It wasn't about you. There are a lot of resources out there for the children of such parents that can help a lot with shifting mindset. Please, stop asking what is wrong with you. The only thing that was ever wrong with you was that you thought there was something wrong with you - and someone else's brokenness programmed you to feel that way.

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