Reply to Orphaned niece struggling to have a relationship with Dad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know if this is the right forum for this. My sister passed away during COVID. BIL remarried 9 months after her death. My niece has been having a very hard time with the whole remarriage and has completely shut down her father and stepmother. Until her HS graduation they all lived in the same house, with her not talking to them, not acknowledging them, there were many fights over this. She ignored her new stepbrother and stepsister too. She moved out of the house literally days after her HS graduation, stayed with us until it was time to move to the dorms. She blocked them everywhere, the only way they communicate with her is through us.

The holidays are coming. BIL reached out to her through me, to see if she can join them for Thanksgiving dinner. She refuses to. Her stepmother has had it with her and said, "if she is not coming, that's it, she is not part of this family, I am tired bending over backwards for someone who treats us like dirt".

I am tired being caught in the middle. I feel bad for everyone. I don't mind having my niece spend the holidays with us, we get along really well, my kids adore her. At the same time, I feel like she can't hold a grudge against her dad and stepmom forever, it's not healthy.

How can I kill 2 birds with one stone: have her repair the relationship with her father AND at the same time, make her feel comfortable and wanted?[/quote]

You can’t. And candidly, someone who remarries 9 months after death of her mom to someone as callous as the new stepmom sounds is not really a relationship that the niece needs to prioritize while she is still deeply mourning. Your BIL sounds profoundly selfish and your niece, who is the teenager/child here, is obviously still deep in mourning.

The stepmother sounds like a truly awful person and for your own sake I would keep your distance. [/quote]

This. Just give her what she needs (a family) and stay well out of the situation with her father.

My father did this (I was 30 though) and I haven’t had contact with him in 20 years, I would still, after all this time, take great offense to anyone trying to offer me advice about this situation.[/quote]

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