Reply to Did disagreement over elder care cause a permanent rift among your siblings?

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[quote=Anonymous]My late mother's illnesses/dementia/decline in her last few years actually brought my brother and me much closer. There were occasional resentments and disagreements (he lived overseas and I lived in same town, so more day to day burdens fell on me), but we ended up talking much more through it all and are definitely closer now. We were both so stunned and appalled and shaken that we spent a lot of time consoling each other. It helped that she had plenty of money so although there were numerous huge stressors (she kept firing aides, was angry and difficult), at least we could throw money at problems and still know there would be plenty left over.  The thing that caused/causes me most sadness and anger is not sibling stuff, but how mean my mother became.

My one piece of advice, which is probably not implementable in all cases, is: try to have a family conference EARLY and face the issue head on. ("Dealing with parents who are in declining health can really tear siblings apart, especially when dementia is involved. How do we keep this from happening to us? Can we talk about what we each think we need and what we each think we can give? Can we agree on how we will make decisions?)[/quote]

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