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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you all, particularly the PP with the long and detailed response.

For anyone interested spectators (my usual role in the relationship forum), i don’t know if there’s someone else. I would have said that it’s impossible 6 months ago, but now I’m wondering. I don’t care enough to find out. I don’t think it impacts anything.

I guess my biggest fears are all financial. I don’t have a ton in non-retirement savings, partly because of the way DH likes to like and spend. I was thinking that I need time to get a career re-started and feel like I’d be on firm ground financially, but maybe that’s exactly wrong from a divorce proceedings perspective?

I’m most worried about the impact on the kids (teens).

And when i say ‘growing apart’ i mainly mean that we are well past the giddy stage and I’m getting too worn out by our lives to kiss his butt. It’s never that simple of course, but mainly it seems like he’s tired of the kids being prioritized over him and maybe he’s found someone who’s more attentive?  It would be hard to find someone less attentive i guess. We don’t really fight or anything, we just are going about our daily lives fairly separately. [/quote]

Were you having intimacy?  Date nights?  Did you enjoy any of your time together?

I’ve noticed sometimes women are fine with a sort of independent/roommate lifestyle and it’s the man who is miserable, missing sex, missing intimacy, missing emotional connection.[/quote]

In most cases it’s the man who ignores and neglects his wife and kids in order to focus on work and hide out there. He never talks much with any of them, not gets involved.

Then the wife who gets all the responsibilities dumped on her for the family, house, yard, and kids resents that but has to solo power through it all.

One day, the absent-Husband/father talks with some friends who have fun lives and he realizes, “Hey, no one’s kissing my @$$ at home or talking with me much.”

He goes home, says nothing but doesn’t get why he’s ignored or doesn’t know what’s going on with everyone’s lives.

He decides he’s a victim; no one likes him so it’s time to divorce and go start over w no kids. He never sees how he ignored everyone and his responsibilities for years and then got treated the same back.

Either way, good riddance to phony deadweights. [/quote]

100%

I read the more they become immersed in work and have less responsibility at home (because the wife -often working too—is accommodating and holding down the fort, often doing the entire after school/nighttime routine, duties so he can workout since he doesn’t have time at lunch like her)…the more they can easily compartmentalize and don’t see why the wife is exhausted at 9pm at night.  They start acting like a spoiled baby whose mommy neglects him so they hop on the computer trolling Ashley Madison to find a disgruntled housewife because his wife just isn’t showing as much attention while trying to be perfect in every aspect of life- including appearance, etc….

And you have the guy: “I would much rather be having intimacy with my wife…but it’s all her fault.” They become negative and critical of everything she does or doesn’t do to justify cheating.[/quote]

+1.

I also think keeping the peace is overrated.  I want my daughters to call their future spouse a worthless sack of shit openly if he acts like their dad.

Might spur the affair sooner but good riddance to bad rubbish.  Frankly just cut the intimacy and let them go ham, who cares as long as you don’t get an STD.

Men are the effing worst.  Like all of them, including my closest friends, are literally useless at household and child management.  At least I enjoy watching their faces when I point it out openly at drinks or dinner.  And then laugh and say what?  I figured you weren’t an idiot, that you must’ve done it on purpose.[/quote]

Probably it's mostly drinks and not much dinner.  Nah let's face it...it's all drinks.  Lots of drinks.  [/quote]

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