Reply to Elders sometimes become abusive toward those they were closest to, so please don't insert yourself

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes.

My mother tries to drive a wedge between siblings. It’s exhausting and has hurt relationships.

Then mother whines and cries that the family won’t all get together. It’s like she wants to create division and then force us all together after creating that division.

When I mentioned this to a friend, she asked why my mother would want to do that. I realized they had no understanding of narcissists or those with borderline and I vowed never to speak of this again to a friend without a mentally ill parent.[/quote]

This is so familiar, but it's our entire extended family on both sides. Since I was maybe 4 I have heard terrible stories about my aunts/uncles/cousins on both side all from mom. When one of my siblings showed went beyond sibling rivalry into dark triad territory she gaslit us when we complained and gaslit teachers and others who expressed concern. Now she is just rage filled that we have no relationship with said sibling and don't go to extended family events. We also won't let her bash the extended family anymore. If she doesn't like them, then stop seeing them or discuss your feelings in therapy. (Ha! People around her go to therapy to process her abuse, but she can never stick with therapy for longer than a few sessions. She always declares herself cured and the easiest patient they ever had.

What's really fascinating is how easily she can recruit family members she despises and bashes to do her dirty work and try to reel us back in. I just don't have it in me to share with them what she really thinks of them because I cannot sink to her level. It makes me not respect them and not want to be around them, but yet I still don't ever want to make them feel the way I have felt my whole life. It's amazing even as she loser her filter she can refrain from telling what she told us so many years that this one is a fat loser with no impulse control and that one is a gold-digger who's boobs are the only decent part of her body, and that one is so stupid the parent's must have purchased his way into college and this one is just an ugly mess. Oh and the family member who was gay and dying of cancer? Her response was...what a waste-he's gay and they spent all that money on a fancy education only to have him die! She went to the funeral and somehow had only nice things to say. She's downright demonic![/quote]

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