Reply to SAHM: how much does spouse have to earn to make it work?

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[quote=Anonymous]The money is only one small piece. There are SAHP at pretty much every income point. While there can be financial stressors or sacrifices if one parent stays at home the resentment and stress usually comes more from the change in roles and responsibilities. A few things to thnk about

Kids cost money. Most people feel that parents have a financial responsibility for the children that they have. Are both people okay with one person abdicating that responsiblity and putting it entirely on the shoulders of one person? Does one person want the pressure and stress of meeting all the money related needs and wants for the kids?

Do you as an adult want to give up the independence that comes with working. Do you want to be entirely dependent on someone else for all your needs and expenses ? Are both of you okay with one person taking on all the financial pressures, stresses and responsiblity for another adult? Is there risk of this imblanace creating further imbalances? Is this too much pressure for one person?

Does having a job mean more to you than income? For many people jobs are also about meaning or purposefulness or intellectual stimulation or using strengths or about expertise or career growth or making a contribution or x, or y or z. What else will you lose without a job?

How does your spouse feel about you being at home? Is that their view as well of a partnership and raising a family? Do you both generally agree that one parent at home is what you want for your family?

How do you see this impacting your future - a return to work or a death / divorce or retirement or more children?

Many dual parent homes with young kids have two working parents, and single parent homes also have a working parent - many families make it work without a SAHP so have you explored all the alternatives and options that everyone else turns to to deal with these situations?

How do you see yourselves resolving conflicts with split roles - where one of you does the majority of the childcare responsiblity and the other does the majority or all of the financial responsiblity. Will there be resenment from the working parent about how little time they get with their child due to work / commute? Will the SAHP get frustrated that they have to be more cognisant and aware of spending?

What is your expectation of how much free time or childcare time or domestic chore time each will have and what the expectations are? What is your expectation about how money will be budgeted and decisions made about money - where one feels something is too expensive or too cheap when they are not contributing to the financial pot? Do you have hobbies or current activities and how will those be impacted? What about time with extended family, social life? Etc

Do you think you will actually enjoy being home all day with a baby / toddler? Do you find that to be something that will give you meaning and the social and intellectual stimuation you need? Are you prone to anything that might be exascerbated by being at home all week with a baby? Are you someone with the energy and motivation to feel as though this is something you can do well and will feel good about?

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