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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it really loss of faith when you decide to stop trying to force yourself to have faith? [/quote]
I was a cradle Catholic. I recall attending a Latin Mass at a very young age, maybe 3 or 4. The bells, incense smoke, the stained glass windows, the veil on my head all contributed to putting me in a profound meditative state. I recalled the stories I'd heard about Jesus and, in that moment, felt total love and belief of Him. Immediately after my First Confession, I felt like I was floating up the Church aisle on my way to kneel and say my 10 Our Fathers and 10 Hail Marys. I

I also suffered neglect and abuse as a child from my parents. Religion and the Church were a haven for me. As I reached the age of reason, I started to question the tenets of Catholicism. I was punished by the Church and my parents. I lived with severe guilt. At 17 years old, I decided to remove guilt from my repertoire of emotions because I knew in my heart that I'd done nothing wrong. I put together that religion is a means to control just as my parent's physical and verbal abuse was meant to control me. I realized there is no god and that is okay with me. I sometimes miss Church and envy those who believe in a higher power because it helps them shoulder the burder of life. I am 100% responsible for my actions and words. I act and say things from my heart, not out of fears of Hell, but because I have to Live with my choices.[/quote]

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