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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you need to have a serious tough talk with your spouse, how do you prep? Do you talk in a public place say over dinner? Do you schedule a time to talk? Do you just spill it on the spot?[/quote]

NP
Yes he tends to need a calm time but is usually always stewing.

I also record it since he has ODD and takes any comment or suggestion personally, instantly. And then starts his DARVO tactics. The original topic gets buried by his deflections and tangential accusation attempts. Bringing things back on task doesn’t work, we almost need a third party and a list maker to table all the nonsense he throws around.

Basically he has no conflict resolution skills, and would rather try to start a big side argument and further damage the relationship, than work as a team and find a sensible solution or two.

I record it to (a) see this pattern in him, (b) see if we made any progress on the topic (vacation trip, child having an issue, school decisions, elderly parent issues, income cash flow issues).

Frankly it’s psycho-ville trying to talk to him about anything real. [/quote]

Wow! Would you say you are generally unhappy in the marriage? Or are their positive things that balance his lack of conflict resolution out, that enable you to still be happy?[/quote]

Happy with myself, my kids, my house, my career, my friends, my family, yes

Happy with my spouse and my marriage and how stuck that all is forever, no. I operate as a single parent including of a 250kb 49-something ManChild.

But I processed it all, read all about it, did $4000 of therapy to “cope”, know my divorce options, raise my kids to be independent and set boundaries, and see through all the antics and patterns now. He’s actually very predictable now. But has no interest in putting effort into improving his bad habits or communication.[/quote]

I relate to this and to your posts. My question is do you respect him? I'm feeling like now I have my husband numbers and patterns down and his lack of wanting to really change and it's not very attractive to me and I don't want to manage a "son" that's a husband and I'm wondering if I'm losing respect for him or something. I'm just over this. I don't want to keep taking charge I want him to.[/quote]

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