Reply to WWYD? Being asked NOT to bring a new spouse and children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure if this is "right", but:

If the gathering is you, your children, your parents and your nieces and nephews - the new wife and her children aren't really of the same "family". They can gather with her family, also the family of the step kids.

I think when you break apart a family you have to prepare for such things. So I guess I'd rather have the nieces and nephews present, than the brother + new wife + new fam. [/quote]

The grandparents are hosting their kids (including the dad in this story) and their grandkids (the college boys in this story). You can’t really think they’re going to say their son isn’t welcome because he got divorced 5 years ago and his college aged kids don’t want his new wife there. Merry Christmas?[/quote]
I think you could actually. Or host them separately. But new wife+children don't need to crash the rest of the family gathering.

What I wouldn't agree with is saying brother/son can come, but you must leave your wife+new kids at home. So I think do a big gathering with the rest of the family, and then they can come over another time. [/quote]

A wife and kids aren’t “crashing the family gathering.”  I married a man as a single mom: if his family excluded me based on the notion that we’re not *really* family I would be heartbroken and reconsider my marriage. That is not at all normal.[/quote]

This is where my close friend is at right now.  She married someone who had been previously married - they met over 5 years after the divorce.  The mom of her husband's adult kids has been cohabitating with her boyfriend for many years.  Still, the older kids have shunned her, and as a result, so his the rest of his family, to a lesser degree.  She told me she feels like a mistress that can't be a part of his family even though they have young children together.  She's been in a lot of therapy to try to deal and she's finally getting divorced over it.  She is a ghost of the person I knew before all of this, and I hope after she's through the worst of it, my once vibrant, bubbly, happy friend comes back.  [/quote]

Why on earth did she marry into this situation?

Did you ever think maybe they do have their reasons? If the entire family is shunning her, there might be more going on. I know it's hard to imagine that about your friend, but sometimes there are things you don't know about.[/quote]

OP says they met five years after the divorce. Not every second wife is an affair partner . You can’t pretzel your way into assuming she is. (NP)[/quote]

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