Reply to How do people do this: caregiving, kids, jobs, etc

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have had to have a pointed Come to Jesus discussion with my own relative.

"Listen - you are not senile. You are a fully capable, grown ass adult. I have my own family and a job I need to take care of. Your job, right now, it to manage your own happiness and your own entertainment. You have money that you earned in your life, at your disposal. It is now there to help you manage your own care needs, and your needs for entertainment and social life. I can help you connect with people, or research things, but it has to be YOUR job to actually reach out and make connections with people and find things that are enjoyable. It can't be me all the time. Again, you are a fully capable, cogent adult. I expect that you can and will manage your own social life."[/quote]

When they're at the stage of Never Happy, And Sometimes Angry For No Reason... they have dementia. I'm not sure OP's relative can change for the better, even with your pep talk. They'll probably start to cry or pout, and make themselves out to be the victim. And then OP will be either forced to apologize and make-up for her offense, or walk out and enforce her boundaries. If you get there, OP, choose the latter.[/quote]

OK, if they actually have dementia or are senile - but OP didn't say that.[/quote]

Because the formal diagnosis postdates actual start of symptoms by many years. A lot of high-functioning patients with memory loss linked to their "future" (but actually already in-progress) dementia will pass their first screen with flying colors. Our current tests are not sensitive enough.

The way OP describes her relative, it's likely that dementia has already taken hold. There is no reasoning with people in that state. Which is why you have to detach.
[/quote]

This is what I am struggling with - the irony that I am finally ready to "gray rock" or stand up to the narcissism (I now know what it is) just as my mother exhibits the first signs of dementia.  I guess the answer in either case is to detach but somehow it feels cruel when the person is losing their mind.[/quote]

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