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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This topic is often posted. Half of the responses will say that mom is mean and selfish for her actions, the other half will say that you are entitled and selfish for expecting her money. I tend to side with the latter, but I was raised in an environment that prioritized self-reliance. My parents taught us from an early age that we had no expectations of their money once grown. Do you not have children so you are feeling left out? [/quote]

Op here. I do have kids, and all 3 of us siblings have roughly the same amount of kids.

I'm just hurt that it's yet another example of being dismissed and not being taken care of.

Usually, I'm over focusing on my childhood and don't dwell, but the will thing I bringing it all again.

I keep thinking that I would never not leave money to my kids, regardless of how well they were doing. It's a fairly standard thing to give money to your kids, right?

(It's really not about the actual money. It's the thought.)[/quote]

OP I so get it. I don't think some people who don't come from a certain brand of dysfunction can truly get it. I have gotten therapy and she understood. It's not about the money so much, especially when your kids will benefit. It's about all the dysfunction you endured for so any years with gaslighting and you just hope in some way you will get some message of caring. People will yell at you money isn't about caring and stop having your feelings. There is just so much to unpack when you come from a family where you didn't get  those basic feelings of love and security-emotional security.

That said, you will see, unless your mom passes suddenly, the money will go fast and you will be lucky if the kids get anything.

My mom has done and continues to do so many things with her will to get a reaction. Sure I stay calm, remind her it's money and whatever, but in my case she has played favorites my whole life, used me for her own needs and continued to raise the bar to please her and while I have distanced and detached and set boundaries it is just these constant reminders I will never have an emotionally mature, stable, fair and empathetic mother. She will try to find any way she can to get a reaction and will probably do something nasty hoping she can get a reaction post death.

Strange story to share, but this sums up my mom. I basically spent early childhood being raised by neighbors because even as young as 3 I couldn't take all the dramatics and favoritism at home. She tried to do all these things to purchase my love-buying cookies for when i cam home, buying a toy and insisting I must do x, y and z to show love. Even then I tried to explain at those houses they were just calm and kind and we were allowed to be kids and play. At my house we had few toys-mostly they believed in just books. We were expected to be helping out or doing something educational at all times. There was a lot of yelling. I don't remember my mom ever playing with me, but my dad did some-though he worked a lot. It wasn't about cookies or gifts or anything you could buy. I felt safe, secure, welcome and free to be me in other homes.[/quote]

Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from. I'm sorry too that you had to come to that understanding the hard way. Thank you for sharing.[/quote]

Sounds like in both situations, you people just don’t like your moms. It is not a requirement that parents play with their kids. Kids can play with each other. Signed, working mom who never liked playing as an adult and hence didn’t do it much. Neither did my mom but that would be a total non-issue in my list of complaints. It seems that something went wrong in your developments, I don’t know what it is but to blame parents for not playing with dolls or puzzles and encouraging reading and education does make a bad parent. This is just weird.[/quote]

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